6 ways to prevent parental burnout–or bounce back!

BY DR. WHITNEY CASARES

Memorize these mantras to evade the physical and emotional exhaustion of parenthood.

What do you think of when you hear the term “burnout?” When experts first coined the term, they used it to describe a syndrome that workers in high-powered jobs faced and it was characterized by things like extreme energy depletion or exhaustion, increased mental distance from their jobs, and negative or cynical feelings toward their work. But it turns out that burnout isn’t just reserved for those in the c-suite. In fact, many new parents would say that one of the potential “complications” of having a baby is burnout!

So what does burnout look like in a parent? For many, it’s a constant feeling of being overwhelmed, being totally depleted at the end of the day, and downright exhaustion. Granted, some of this is normal to experience now and again—especially during those early sleepless nights—but it’s not normal to feel constantly burnt out. When you find yourself starting your days completely weary, or catch yourself caring less about the components of your work and home life that used to bring you joy, it’s time to get intentional about caring for yourself. It means it's time to step back, regain perspective, and take small but meaningful steps (more on that below!) toward finding more peace, energy, and long-term wellness. Plus, the more you practice taking care of yourself, the less likely you are to experience burnout in the first place, and the more adept you’ll be at recognizing the signs of stress early and often.

If you are feeling signs of burnout, here are some steps to take to get things back under control.

1. make self-care a top priority

The fact is, you’ll be even more successful at taking care of your responsibilities at work and at home if you’re taking care of yourself first. When you give and give and give to other people, but give nothing to yourself, you end up overwhelmed, resentful, and your wit’s end. On the other hand, making sure your needs (including your physical and mental wellness) are prioritized allows you to give from a place of generous abundance. That might mean spending an hour after work with friends or staying in your car for an extra ten minutes before daycare pick-up so you can finish that novel you’ve been reading. Meaningful self-care is far from selfish. Paradoxically, it allows us to show up as the best version of ourselves in every facet of our lives!

2. surround yourself with support

If you want to avoid drains on your energy and spirit, you have to build a village of friends, family, or professionals that infuse your life with (realistic) optimism and encouragement. That kind of positive network can build you up on your hardest days and cheer you on when you’re at the top of your game. Negative or critical people, on the other hand, tend to suck the hope and life out of a room. You can choose to set important boundaries around your mental health by keeping your advocates and cheerleaders close (you know who they are!), and by keeping a healthy emotional distance between you and naysayers (you also know who those folks are!).

3. really reconnect

Sometimes a weekend (or even a few hours) to decompress with your partner one-on-one, away from the baby, can make a huge difference. Remember, date nights or getaways don’t have to be complicated or expensive. A picnic dinner in the backyard, a drive to a beautiful local vista, and some time watching your favorite stand-up comic on the couch can also build on our connections and fortify relationships. Likewise, it helps to invest in strengthening your communication skills and in creating an equitable system for division of labor in your home so you have the help you need and the partnership you crave when your whole family is present again. Not in a relationship? Prioritize time with your best friend(s).

4. find an escape

If you find yourself yearning for time alone when you’re with your kids, that means you need to be intentional about listening to that need. Set time on your calendar during the weekend for a one-hour walk by yourself, or a sit on your porch with a cup of coffee solo. Listen to that longing to dive into a passion you had pre-kids. Spending time alone on creative outlets like art, music, writing, or other hobbies sets a great example for our kids that individual pursuits matter even when you become a mom or dad. You’ll also return to your children restored and reinvigorated, ready to be the best parent you can be.

5. take a screen break

Pulls on our limited time are coming from every direction—TVs, phones, tablets, laptops—and distractions constantly threaten our inner peace. When you stay conscious of your own screen time, it helps with reducing anxiety and inattention, and can improve executive functioning, i.e. your ability to get sh*t done.

Be mindful of what’s coming in: the information and news you consume can strongly influence your outlook on life. Staying aware and abreast of world, national or even community events is important, but it doesn’t mean you have to immerse yourself in negativity all day long—so, if necessary, block certain apps on your phone or set reasonable time limits for the ones that flood you with troubling news. Especially when it comes to your social media consumption, set limits on what you take in and how often you engage with negativity.

Similarly, the more you limit screen time and other gadget use, the more present you can be when you’re around your children. Kids need to know they deserve and have your attention, and you’ll be modeling smart screen use from the get-go.

6. create “white space”

Intentional white space in your home and on your calendar goes a long way. When you’re over-scheduled or have too much clutter, it’s harder to focus on what matters most and it’s easier to get overwhelmed. Saying “no” to some projects, activities, and extra-curriculars allows you to say “yes” to connecting with your family and having quality time with your kids—not to mention just a bit more wiggle room and time to breathe.

When you have more down time, it also leaves room for building a team environment in your home, including teaching your kids to contribute with chores. Plus, unstructured time often leads to boredom, which can be a great thing! Boredom and free play leads to creativity, which ultimately leads to deeper resilience.

about Dr. Whitney Casares

Whitney Casares, MD, MPH, FAAP, is a board-certified pediatrician, author, speaker, and full-time working mom. Dr. Whitney is a Stanford University-trained private practice pediatrician whose expertise spans the public health, direct patient care, and media worlds and is a boots on the ground advocate for the success of women in the workplace and at home. She holds a Master of Public Health in Maternal and Child Health from The University of California, Berkeley, and a Journalism degree from California Polytechnic State University, San Luis Obispo.

Dr. Whitney currently practices pediatrics in Portland, Oregon, where she and her husband Scott raise their two young daughters. Check out modernmommydoc.com and follow her at @modernmommydoc.